It’s been a very strange couple of weeks. Finally being able to go see my family after such a long time was wonderful, even if not all the circumstances were the most joyous. It did end up creating and then releasing a whole avalanche of emotions which I’ve been struggling to deal with.
I’ll be candid – my nan is not well. In fact we weren’t sure if she’d make it long enough for us to fly over to see her. But she did and she recognised us and we talked and laughed and it was such a gift. When we were leaving I didn’t tell her that we were going. I couldn’t. It’s always been so sad saying goodbye to her even when I knew with a childish certainty that I was going to see her again soon. This time I hugged her and wished her goodnight. Right before we left I did peek into her room to whisper I love you, but I didn’t want to wake her just to not say goodbye again. Yes, I’m crying again writing this, but sometimes I, and probably most everyone else, simply need to let go and feel sad. And that’s ok.
Since then there’s been a whole heap of things adding to my emotional turmoil, starting with having to fork out extortionate amounts of money for Covid tests to having to quarantine to being ill to troubles at work because of everything and just… Give me a break, please. I don’t want any more people phoning me up to tell me what a deplorable and irresponsible human I am.
I just want to be left alone right now with my sadness and the loving people around me who make it all bearable.